London Kronikill

London Kronikill

So many people wearing masks and many people not wearing masks just many people more people about but still haven't found a way to get my ear syringed  they are charging £100 to get that done, no way am I going there! Anyway, on the way back from the park I bump into this neighbour with her dog. She had a fall last week  but is recovering now thankyou very much but she won't speak to the old woman who has lived here for ever because she's is so racist and horrible and have you heard the bird sing near your house?  she says. Yes I say it was in my window box this morning, I think it was a wren yes she says such a big voice for a little bird

Pretending to be in control

Written before BJ went into hospital:

So yesterday, the 1st of April, was the first day I haven't gone out at all. Two reasons: fear and I don't have a mask. There is increasing evidence, coming out of many places that are dealing better, including from Czech Republic, that wearing a mask, while imperfect,  stops a lot of transmission, even if you are healthy. so the authorities used to think perfect was the way now they think 'better than nothing'

I have been fairly decisive up until now. Decision making for me is a bit reliant on getting approving agreeing voices. and indecision is scary. There is agreement that it is getting worse: there is an avalanche of death and new cases everyday, but there is debate about what is the best thang to do. 

Boris  is trying to be a hero- infecting those around him - this old style hero act doesn't wash anymore. No-one believes it. Covid just makes it obvious. He is trying to be all 'don't panic! stay calm!' then doing 'not being calm' in full public the thing that causes indecision, the calm thing is to admit you are ill and delegate to those who know and trust them to deal. But he, or he and his advisors, are more scared of losing control than they are of the virus.

 Maybe there is nothing to do but let this thing wash over us, enter, then leave. In a meditative way being an observer. But trying to square the meditative approach with being aware of the politics- 

it worries me how dictatorially inclined governments may be using this situation to introduce legislation that limits and controls personal freedom.

its worrying that Boris and cronies don't know what to do and that their pretence is so thin

That they do not trust the experts, that they want to control things.

Collectively, the people are wiser when the way is not obvious. In a situation where there is not an immediate emergency then leaders can get on with leading but in a crisis like this the masses will lead. there may be a breakdown of control at the top , but society will hold strong. Those at the top may try and exploit the situation and spread fear but the people will not buy it

Whatever your politics , whoever you blame, however itchy your getting with isolation, however much you want to take your anger out against ’them”, whatever mistakes have been made, whether you believe it escaped from a lab, blame the CIA, China, think its a myth, think you can’t cope. BULLSHIT !!!

Big angry feelings, though big are not as big as the fact that

PEOPLE ARE DYING AND PEOPLE ARE TREATING ILL AND DYING PEOPLE . 

Against these big angry claustrophobic feelings many  have is your huge reservoir of compassion love for those you close to you, your huge reservoir of patience and good humour, your kindness. 

Your ability to cope, to draw on your strength is going to constantly surprise you, your ability to help others cope is going to surprise you.

Before antibiotics and modern medicine we had to live with threat of disease and disaster. Obviously not a good thing, but however much we think we are in the driving seat all the time, we are not, but acceptance that total control total safety is a myth is a good thing. 

However strong and positive you are, you may still get the disease. You are simply getting stronger , preparing yourself it is not a “miracle cure” to be debunked.

if you are in isolation, and going crazy with boredom, the sound of others voices, the way they eat, get a life! that is easy compared to what the bereaved, the carers, the nurses, the doctors are dealing with all the time

Whatever mistakes may have been made are dwarfed by the size of the problem. 

Humans have a much better and longer record of survival than this virus, so don’t get in a tizz.

LONDON KRONIKIL March 17

LONDON KRONIKIL March 17
The streets are strangely deserted. Feels like Christmas. I'd just like to say that in the last 24 hours I have received no less than 5 completely different remedies for coronavirus. I am no scientist, I am no doctor , I am no conspiracy theorist but when i read the number of cases worldwide and people saying there is no cure I am tempted to doubt the curative powers of these remedies and feel it is my public duty to withhold information on them unless I get ill in which case I'm sure I will try them all and report back about which one works. Stay strong everybody. I recommend a mixture of .. Apologies if I have offended anyone who sent me a remedy. the desire to help your friends get better has to be a GOOD THING but if a cure comes my way this easily... Am I just being agrouch? ("oh thats Ok the virus doesn't like grouchiness...")

Dreaming of connection

FB, when 'friends' were people I knew, people who are close, then I could reach out, but its not anymore its too public and I do not know the security controls I crave actual closeness, not all alone sitting in front of a screen pretending closeness.
'I want to disconnect completely from digital world.' he says. But so much of the way the world is, relies on it. A necessary part of life now, 'but my body is not designed for this.' Its like we are all agreeing that digital communication is only ever partial. So I collude with system in confirming my own idiocy, The reality is I sit here at 3am imagining I am communicating but actually firing desperation to strangers who I will never meet
But maybe I can draw a line between situation where I am using digital tools for necessary communication and completion of creative acts- journal, writing,  but not letting my attention get drawn onto incomplete acts, or things over which I have no power

Better a hypocrite who admits it

7th November

Better a hypocrite that admits it than a denier who pretends that everything’s fine and attacks climate protestors for not being consistent in their reasoning - ‘celeb actors who fly into protests’, ‘ it’s alright for you, your middle class and can afford the time to protest, excuse me I’ve got to get to work’. Well the whole world is hypocritical- we have created wonderful things, we have an advanced society, yes,we’ve never had it so good, but all good things come at a cost and(blunt fact)natural resources are running out, ( blunt fact) our success is dependent on plastic and its choking us, and climate change is happening, walls don’t make any difference, ideologies, political systems whether capitalist socialist don’t make any difference.

We are all hypocrites. There are no big overnight solutions. admit it. But we can’t give into depression and doom. It’s there but we carry on, aware, step by step, loving, aware it’s probably too late but er so what. Parents are guardians of our children and have to stay cheerful fun and alive. When has humanity not been in crisis? On we go ! Embrace your inner hypocrite! It’s the only way!

Sensing the Zone of Possible Agreement. Analog vs the digital

 This is one of the ways the digital world is fucked up because things are not either zero or one black or white. Agreement  tends to happen in the analog world when there is a little bit of this a little bit of that and I see what you mean but say can you see what I mean yes okay well we both see what each other means. Compromise and sensitivity .maybe digital cannot sniff out and head towards zones of possible agreement

Breaking Habits

That’s  the thing about being laidback and accepting- you can just accept habitual behaviour and never grow. It becomes entirely reactive. Not that compulsive breaking of habit is the goal- it can be meaningless and neurotic, but recognising when a habitual behaviour is redundant and then adapting is a good thing

change

How things morph but

 stay the same

How, when big change occurs

what survives 

 is always a surprise

 but is the essence

in a new form

new life on an old way

springs out

Tightening

I  was so happy when work and love took me to the US. I fell in love and stayed there for some years.  Maybe it’s naive of me and being an apolitical creature, I was not really bothered. But now I am. Now it is behaving just as small minded as any other of the older western democracies that people fled from to find their dream and freedom. It’s increasingly redundant in the modern world, tightening, tightening, tightening. Paranoid, perceiving potential enemies every where, with its antiquated crazy gun laws and it’s old colonial nationalistic feel closing its borders, paranoid about foreigners all those things which America used to stand against are like cancerous growths growing on an old body, racist, bigoted, looking away from the rest of the world. The good people increasingly marginalised and dare not speak their mind so they get on with their lives and hope things are going to change, the critical people are bullied as unpatriotic. 
I hope I'm being overdramatic. Maybe this a blip until the next election when the US will balance itself. Let’s hope so. Mind you, I’m from Brexit UK, so I've got no excuse ... 

It makes me ilI to thinking about it makes me ill. I resent the distraction.  I’m just going to wear my new hat. It fits me. I I like it

PC or pragmatic?

TooPC? or pragmatic?

Pragmatism vs principle?
There was a report of Boris in N.Ireland yesterday of  a council member who didn't recognise the Queen and who found honouring the British State offensive so they paid him to walk past the queen's portrait in the house. This was quoted by some as the height of PC stupidity. But if it resulted in easing the tensions in NI and helped save lives  and end violence then it was not ' PC gone mad' but pragmatic. If PC happens in an ivory tower its an intelllectual exercise then maybe its criticisable and in some cases extreme- but if it eases his way to work where things get dealt with then why  not?
 how close to the conflict, how close to the reality it addresses, is it?

On the Other Hand ...

But on the other hand...
There is always another point of view
That come from my mother
It always comes from wanting to be fair, to seeing both side of the argument
but the result is inaction and self sabotage
paralysis, self hypnosis by argument

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND...
is a Self Block book
A new genre we’ve had Self Help..
Now there's Self Block
Now, how to sabotage your sincerest efforts

UNDO HISTORY

you cannot undo history, 

the ways  things happened then may not work now

but we are where we are because of how things were done then,

So why get annoyed by it? 

Why pretend it didn't happen?

Why waste your energy  trying to rewrite it? 

just leave behind whats no longer relevant and get on with now

Can

You can

   You can

       You can

           You can

Yes but ...

No buts you can

Just watched a clip from Stormy Weather with Nicholas brothers dancing to Cab Calloway. ‘Unrehearsed’ some one said. I doubt it! It’s Amazing performance and dance but the danger of their jumps, their stagecraft, the ir sycnhcronicityity of the rythmic interplay with Calloway's orchestra had to be worked out other wise they would have hurt themselves and probably many of the band.. In a way to say it’s all improvised belittles their skills,choreographic nous and trust in each other I’m sure they worked quickly and uncannily empathetically but to claim it’s improvised diminishes their magic. Any way where does the band disappear to and the stage suddenly appear  halfway through the clip? That would have taken time and thought to prepare. It’s bit of a compliment if something is so well put together that it can appear improvised but inaccurate 

Head gardeners become grumpy

All head gardeners become grumpy misanthropic and want to fence off all their garden. Just bumped into Ian(?) the guy who was made head gardener of inner circle, Regent’s Park at the immaculate garden that is fenced off. ‘ Why is it fenced off?’ I ask,

‘I’m getting grumpy’ he said, ‘some 6 or 7 yearoldkids ran all over here at the weekend, their parents probably sat and watched and didn’t say anything. I’m being a grumpy gardener’ he said.

So long as he can see the grumpy bit, that’s not all he’ll be

Power and Attention Deficit Disorder

'Strip away the power, the admin, the minions from the one high up the hierarchy and you have an incoherent nincompoop with half finished thoughts and ADHD' said a friend

staying buoyant while looking at dire things

Have been swept up by ER in past week visiting Oxford Circus Marble Arch and Berkeley Square and yes yes yes! I feel horribly unlike doing anything cos it’s all so pointless if the world is just going to end anyway. After all hits of last two years, I don't want this to sap me.

When the people at the top get too depressed to carry on and get infected by lassitude and it spreads down through the system to all parts, all levels of the system. 

Oh bloody hell, just cos the worlds going to end that’s no reason to get gloomy! Being able to look the bad stuff in the face and then stay smiling , or, find good strategy is so important.

I wandered down to the Extinction Rebellion Closing Ceremony

LONDON KRONIKLE. 
So I wandered down Edgware towards Marble Arch at just before 7 to catch the  Rebellion Extinction Closing Ceremony. During the last few days I have got accustomed to no traffic and quiet as I approached the arch because of the demonstrators camp but the usual smell and noise of big congestion had returned as the camp packed up and the police reopened the roads sometime today. Now was a scene of aftermath, dismantling, tidying up and dispersion. The group with white faces, dressed in bright red, lit by the setting sun, making their last appearance for now, clustered round the green tarnished horsehead sculpture posing for a large group of photographers clicking away; from shaky cellphone snaps to serious press with big cameras, some tents remained pitched on the lawn near the arch, random groups of campers packing up, tourists, a few ambling police with hi vis jackets, not a spot of litter or the usual detritus left behind by a festival crowd, all surrounded by the busy returning traffic.
I crosed the road into the park and wandered on to Speaker's Corner where there was a crowd of maybe a couple of thousand listening to speeches quietly amplified on a makeshift PA hand held aloft so the crowd could hear. The Met police in small groups mingled; they were relaxed this was not an aggressive crowd, no drunks, no mess, amongst the numerous Extinction Rebellion banners flags there was even one thanking the police : the crowd’s anger was directed elsewhere at the mess we’ve made of the world. Different people spoke, A sufi prayer and then a very passionate woman exhorted people to continue the fight then, to finish the ceremony, she led everyone in a song, and in a moving moment asked everyone to turn round and face out while continuing singing, to encourage the world to join in. Very lovely a simple action but genuinely moving. I was on the outside of the crowd an observer with my walking stick watching and when everyone turned round to face me I did not know what to do. I felt moved and a bit silly and self conscious. A woman rushed out of the crowd and hugged me. she, maybe feeling a bit silly and self conscious, melted back into the crowd, the song subsided.
Whether this is an actual tipping point in hearts and minds, time will tell, or whether we are just stuck in a london bubble, who knows, anyway there and then it felt unstoppable. It will take over from the time wasting, lies and angst around Brexit. Its all very idealistic yes and armchair critics can say yes but its a load of hippies causing chaos, yes but its heart is in the right place, and the evidence is very very bleak and 'I don't want bleak, I want light' I pondered as I walked home, but whatever form it takes, I am so much happier to witness this than plug into mainstream media to see Farage's ugly mug or sly conniving lying May and other so called politicians. Our Dying World is THE issue.

'Yeaah! know wotumean, Ginny'

'Yeaah! know wotumean, Ginny' 

Alone, I often fall down into 

nothingness. I must push my foot

stealthily lest I should fall off the edge

of the world into nothingness. 

I have to bang my head against some

hard door to call myself back to the body

(Virginia Woolf)