Tuesday, 16 June 2020

London Kronikill

London Kronikill
So many people wearing masks and many people not wearing masks just many people more people about but still haven't found a way to get my ear syringed  they are charging £100 to get that done, no way am I going there! Anyway, on the way back from the park I bump into this neighbour with her dog. She had a fall last week  but is recovering now thankyou very much but she won't speak to the old woman who has lived here for ever because she's is so racist and horrible and have you heard the bird sing near your house?  she says. Yes I say it was in my window box this morning, I think it was a wren yes she says such a big voice for a little bird

Tuesday, 28 April 2020

Pretending to be in control

Written before BJ went into hospital:
So yesterday, the 1st of April, was the first day I haven't gone out at all. Two reasons: fear and I don't have a mask. There is increasing evidence, coming out of many places that are dealing better, including from Czech Republic, that wearing a mask, while imperfect,  stops a lot of transmission, even if you are healthy. so the authorities used to think perfect was the way now they think 'better than nothing'
I have been fairly decisive up until now. Decision making for me is a bit reliant on getting approving agreeing voices. and indecision is scary. There is agreement that it is getting worse: there is an avalanche of death and new cases everyday, but there is debate about what is the best thang to do. 
Boris  is trying to be a hero- infecting those around him - this old style hero act doesn't wash anymore. No-one believes it. Covid just makes it obvious. He is trying to be all 'don't panic! stay calm!' then doing 'not being calm' in full public the thing that causes indecision, the calm thing is to admit you are ill and delegate to those who know and trust them to deal. But he, or he and his advisors, are more scared of losing control than they are of the virus.
 Maybe there is nothing to do but let this thing wash over us, enter, then leave. In a meditative way being an observer. But trying to square the meditative approach with being aware of the politics- 
it worries me how dictatorially inclined governments may be using this situation to introduce legislation that limits and controls personal freedom.
its worrying that Boris and cronies don't know what to do and that their pretence is so thin
That they do not trust the experts, that they want to control things.

Collectively, the people are wiser when the way is not obvious. In a situation where there is not an immediate emergency then leaders can get on with leading but in a crisis like this the masses will lead. there may be a breakdown of control at the top , but society will hold strong. Those at the top may try and exploit the situation and spread fear but the people will not buy it
Whatever your politics , whoever you blame, however itchy your getting with isolation, however much you want to take your anger out against ’them”, whatever mistakes have been made, whether you believe it escaped from a lab, blame the CIA, China, think its a myth, think you can’t cope. BULLSHIT !!!
Big angry feelings, though big are not as big as the fact that

Against these big angry claustrophobic feelings many  have is your huge reservoir of compassion love for those you close to you, your huge reservoir of patience and good humour, your kindness. 
Your ability to cope, to draw on your strength is going to constantly surprise you, your ability to help others cope is going to surprise you.
Before antibiotics and modern medicine we had to live with threat of disease and disaster. Obviously not a good thing, but however much we think we are in the driving seat all the time, we are not, but acceptance that total control total safety is a myth is a good thing. 
However strong and positive you are, you may still get the disease. You are simply getting stronger , preparing yourself it is not a “miracle cure” to be debunked.
if you are in isolation, and going crazy with boredom, the sound of others voices, the way they eat, get a life! that is easy compared to what the bereaved, the carers, the nurses, the doctors are dealing with all the time
Whatever mistakes may have been made are dwarfed by the size of the problem. 
Humans have a much better and longer record of survival than this virus, so don’t get in a tizz.

Tuesday, 17 March 2020


The streets are strangely deserted. Feels like Christmas. I'd just like to say that in the last 24 hours I have received no less than 5 completely different remedies for coronavirus. I am no scientist, I am no doctor , I am no conspiracy theorist but when i read the number of cases worldwide and people saying there is no cure I am tempted to doubt the curative powers of these remedies and feel it is my public duty to withhold information on them unless I get ill in which case I'm sure I will try them all and report back about which one works. Stay strong everybody. I recommend a mixture of .. Apologies if I have offended anyone who sent me a remedy. the desire to help your friends get better has to be a GOOD THING but if a cure comes my way this easily... Am I just being agrouch? ("oh thats Ok the virus doesn't like grouchiness...")

Saturday, 29 February 2020

Dreaming of connection

FB, when 'friends' were people I knew, people who are close, then I could reach out, but its not anymore its too public and I do not know the security controls I crave actual closeness, not all alone sitting in front of a screen pretending closeness.
'I want to disconnect completely from digital world.' he says. But so much of the way the world is, relies on it. A necessary part of life now, 'but my body is not designed for this.' Its like we are all agreeing that digital communication is only ever partial. So I collude with system in confirming my own idiocy, The reality is I sit here at 3am imagining I am communicating but actually firing desperation to strangers who I will never meet
But maybe I can draw a line between situation where I am using digital tools for necessary communication and completion of creative acts- journal, writing,  but not letting my attention get drawn onto incomplete acts, or things over which I have no power

Thursday, 7 November 2019

Better a hypocrite who admits it

7th November
Better a hypocrite that admits it than a denier who pretends that everything’s fine and attacks climate protestors for not being consistent in their reasoning - ‘celeb actors who fly into protests’, ‘ it’s alright for you, your middle class and can afford the time to protest, excuse me I’ve got to get to work’. Well the whole world is hypocritical- we have created wonderful things, we have an advanced society, yes,we’ve never had it so good, but all good things come at a cost and(blunt fact)natural resources are running out, ( blunt fact) our success is dependent on plastic and its choking us, and climate change is happening, walls don’t make any difference, ideologies, political systems whether capitalist socialist don’t make any difference.

We are all hypocrites. There are no big overnight solutions. admit it. But we can’t give into depression and doom. It’s there but we carry on, aware, step by step, loving, aware it’s probably too late but er so what. Parents are guardians of our children and have to stay cheerful fun and alive. When has humanity not been in crisis? On we go ! Embrace your inner hypocrite! It’s the only way!

Monday, 21 October 2019

Sensing the Zone of Possible Agreement. Analog vs the digital

 This is one of the ways the digital world is fucked up because things are not either zero or one black or white. Agreement  tends to happen in the analog world when there is a little bit of this a little bit of that and I see what you mean but say can you see what I mean yes okay well we both see what each other means. Compromise and sensitivity .maybe digital cannot sniff out and head towards zones of possible agreement