Saturday, 19 January 2019

Lightly

Take things seriously but not too seriously 
Wear things lightly but not too lightly 
BOO!

Wednesday, 16 January 2019

saying how things are


Saying how things are is not complaining.
 I cannot breathe sometimes. 
I’m all for optimism but denial? 
There is something very dysfunctional about pretending to smile,
Pretending your life is hunky dory

Yes pragmatic optimism

Saturday, 12 January 2019

On a National Express coach to Devon I tried darning a darn in a jumper I’d already done that had come undone. Too much vibration. I was clumsy. DON’T DARN ON BUSES!

Sunday, 6 January 2019

 Empathy- the feeling of connection that humans have, initially touch, proximity, sharing the same air, space, house and furniture, is slowly being usurped by digital channels that trick us, actually mediate while apparently replicating and leading to disconnection. Technology- my phone, my computer help me to survive my loneliness, but maybe by making it bearable, prolongs it so it becomes my way of being. We are great survivors, gods of making do, and that  may be our strength or our undoing! Drama!

Tuesday, 18 December 2018

Sense and Nonsense, clarity and coherence


Sometimes I post incoherent halfthoughts to this blog- I just looked at what I wrote about head/ heart : it’s a complicated thing i want to say and what I wrote seems glib, vague. Maybe writing on phone is slow and I find it difficult to think clearly and maintain a big picture. I want to articulate my thoughts clearly and  and sometimes let my desire to put them out there outweigh the clarity of the content- if I don’t think it’s good then why post it? If it’s not clear why bother saying it? Often incoherence needs blurting out! If what is accepted sense but actually nonsense, needs saying. It is why nonsense comedy - Milligan Lear Python Carroll are so important- pointing out the  nonsense of accepted ways. But even though its in the right direction,  and I makes me laugh at the ridiculousness of things, its unsatisfying,i ts only half the battle. Later it’s complexity can be picked apart, made coherent.

Saturday, 15 December 2018

miniature imaginings

If my desire is to become a powerless performer whose judgement and intelligence is not taken seriously I have already part written the script. Maybe I have been a successful scriptwriter, maybe I’ve failed and been th architect of my own fall from grace. So what?
Echoes of that film I saw about a film director building a city that was the contents of his imagination and falling apart as others wouldn't buy his vision-  and a Belgian theatre piece I saw many years ago, about an imaginary model world in miniature created by a man who could have been a Dickhead Dictator Director, but chose not to build a hierarchy  and bark orders, so he made a miniature version of what he obsessively saw in his head that delighted many and upset no-one. All I wanted was to build a playpen, to set up situations for play and invention to happen but people objected to my rules for play and saw that as oppressive. I found the the power play boring and dismissed it as irrelevant. I shouldn’t have. It has disempowered me and I have retreated from the world, and the politics of power, particularly gender politics is the zeitgeist, the issue of the age.If my desire is to become a powerless performer whose judgement and intelligence is not taken seriously I have already part written the script. Maybe I have been a successful scriptwriter, maybe I’ve failed and been th architect of my own fall from grace. So what?
Echoes of that film I saw about a film director building a city that was the contents of his imagination and falling apart as others wouldn't buy his vision-  and a Belgian theatre piece I saw many years ago, about an imaginary model world in miniature created by a man who could have been a Dickhead Dictator Director, but chose not to build a hierarchy  and bark orders, so he made a miniature version of what he obsessively saw in his head that delighted many and upset no-one. All I wanted was to build a playpen, to set up situations for play and invention to happen but people objected to my rules for play and saw that as oppressive. I found the the power play boring and dismissed it as irrelevant. I shouldn’t have. It has disempowered me and I have retreated from the world, and the politics of power, particularly gender politics is the zeitgeist, the issue of the age.

Friday, 14 December 2018

quiet heart and calm head

However I am feeling, wherever it moves me, it doesn’t change the logic of a potential action. If it’s a good idea rationally, it’s a good idea  whether I’m depressed or high. But
 the fact remains that up til now, I have let feelings dominate my motivation- if I am not feeling it, even if its a sound idea, I won't do it. Is that a bad thing? Dunno. It’s easy to dismiss it superficially as head against heart, and head loses (despite it’s constant  activity and the way that chattering thought dominates my moment to moment consciousness). Despite head’s egotistical denial that heart is its ruler. But maybe I mistake heart (deep, long term) for feeling( passing superficial), and passing thoughts (chattering constant restless) for rational considered strategic  planning. But heart tends to guide head and however much head tries to deny it. ( is this why so many somatic and spiritual paths are so anti-head, deeming it the seat of ego and intellectual chatter). Head is a tool wielded by heart. Look at how protective people are of their home or family.
When quiet heart and calm head act together the action they make is powerful, immovable