Tuesday, 18 June 2019

Head gardeners become grumpy

All head gardeners become grumpy misanthropic and want to fence off all their garden. Just bumped into Ian(?) the guy who was made head gardener of inner circle, Regent’s Park at the immaculate garden that is fenced off. ‘ Why is it fenced off?’ I ask,

‘I’m getting grumpy’ he said, ‘some 6 or 7 yearoldkids ran all over here at the weekend, their parents probably sat and watched and didn’t say anything. I’m being a grumpy gardener’ he said.

So long as he can see the grumpy bit, that’s not all he’ll be

Monday, 27 May 2019

Strip away the power, the admin, the minions from the one high up the hierarchy and you have an incoherent nincompoop with half finished thoughts and ADHD

Tuesday, 30 April 2019

staying buoyant while looking at dire things

Have been swept up by ER in past week visiting Oxford Circus Marble Arch and Berkeley Square and yes yes yes! I feel horribly unlike doing anything cos it’s all so pointless if the world is just going to end anyway. After all hits of last two years, I don't want this to sap me.

When the people at the top get too depressed to carry on and get infected by lassitude and it spreads down through the system to all parts, all levels of the system. 

Oh bloody hell, just cos the worlds going to end that’s no reason to get gloomy! Being able to look the bad stuff in the face and then stay smiling , or, find good strategy is so important.

Sunday, 28 April 2019

I wandered down to the Extinction Rebellion Closing Ceremony

So I wandered down Edgware towards Marble Arch at just before 7 to catch the  Rebellion Extinction Closing Ceremony. During the last few days I have got accustomed to no traffic and quiet as I approached the arch because of the demonstrators camp but the usual smell and noise of big congestion had returned as the camp packed up and the police reopened the roads sometime today. Now was a scene of aftermath, dismantling, tidying up and dispersion. The group with white faces, dressed in bright red, lit by the setting sun, making their last appearance for now, clustered round the green tarnished horsehead sculpture posing for a large group of photographers clicking away; from shaky cellphone snaps to serious press with big cameras, some tents remained pitched on the lawn near the arch, random groups of campers packing up, tourists, a few ambling police with hi vis jackets, not a spot of litter or the usual detritus left behind by a festival crowd, all surrounded by the busy returning traffic.
I crosed the road into the park and wandered on to Speaker's Corner where there was a crowd of maybe a couple of thousand listening to speeches quietly amplified on a makeshift PA hand held aloft so the crowd could hear. The Met police in small groups mingled; they were relaxed this was not an aggressive crowd, no drunks, no mess, amongst the numerous Extinction Rebellion banners flags there was even one thanking the police : the crowd’s anger was directed elsewhere at the mess we’ve made of the world. Different people spoke, A sufi prayer and then a very passionate woman exhorted people to continue the fight then, to finish the ceremony, she led everyone in a song, and in a moving moment asked everyone to turn round and face out while continuing singing, to encourage the world to join in. Very lovely a simple action but genuinely moving. I was on the outside of the crowd an observer with my walking stick watching and when everyone turned round to face me I did not know what to do. I felt moved and a bit silly and self conscious. A woman rushed out of the crowd and hugged me. she, maybe feeling a bit silly and self conscious, melted back into the crowd, the song subsided.
Whether this is an actual tipping point in hearts and minds, time will tell, or whether we are just stuck in a london bubble, who knows, anyway there and then it felt unstoppable. It will take over from the time wasting, lies and angst around Brexit. 
Its all very idealistic yes and armchair critics can say yes but its a load of hippies causing chaos, yes but its heart is in the right place, and the evidence is very very bleak and 'I don't want bleak, I want light' I pondered as I walked home, but whatever form it takes, I am so much happier to witness this than plug into mainstream media to see Farage's ugly mug or sly conniving lying May and other so called politicians. Our Dying World is THE issue.

Tuesday, 12 February 2019

'Yeaah! know wotumean, Ginny'

'Yeaah! know wotumean, Ginny' 

Alone, I often fall down into 
nothingness. I must push my foot
stealthily lest I should fall off the edge
of the world into nothingness. 
I have to bang my head against some
hard door to call myself back to the body
(Virginia Woolf)

Friday, 8 February 2019


It seems to be accepted wisdom that having a choice is empowering- 'yes but you had a choice',
But if I knew 20 years ago that the consequences of my actions then would lead to the facts of my life now I would have lived a different life. I don’t believe that most people know the consequences of their choices. I certainly didn't.
"but you did' they said
Yes I suppose I chose not to be part of a fucked up world, although I didn't know it at the time.

Wednesday, 6 February 2019

Science catches up with what we know in our bones

I am reading ‘Lost Connections’, a book about how disconnectedness is the major cause of depression; it’s so obvious that occasionally he lapses into tautological bad writing: 
‘... if disconnection  is the main driver of depression and anxiety, we need to find ways to reconnect’
Duh! Bad hack science stuff!- 
‘So I travelled thousands of miles interviewing anyone who might understand this’.
 Sincere, yes, needs to be said, yes, but kind of obvious.

Maybe science research and writing only chooses to look at the blindingly obvious! - scientifically proving  what is intuitively second nature. If it changes the establishment mind set, then, of course, it’s a very good thing. 
Science catches up with what we know in our bones but it takes its time. 
Intuition and common sense may not be foolproof but they are quicker

Thursday, 31 January 2019

There is a political angle to somatic awareness, dealing with the effects of one’s condition  - it means being self aware and adaptable, and moving away from reliance on ‘the system’ of experts and medical establishment upon which much of the structure of medicine and social care is based. But let’s look at a simple problem-  going downstairs- I find  this hard and often nearly fall and lose balance. 
1) get handrails installed at a cost or get prescribed muscle relaxants, or insist that I get transferred to the ground floor or get a lift installed,

2)I can retrain my body to go down stairs slower, I can look at and understand the mechanics of going downstairs improve my balance, notice how much I rely on eyes or inner ear vestibular system for balance and orientation in space.

How can politicians and decision makers encourage self awareness  vs dependance without getting involved in polarised right vs left arguments?

Thursday, 24 January 2019

brexit (lower case 'b' intentional)

I have steered clear of brexit but its there, and its really really stupid and maybe people are blaming europe for their powerlessness, but I was a little massively miffed by recent comments that made me want to retch -
Re Rees Mogg trying to claim 'muddling through' as a British attribute because as he says 'we British are made of sterner stuff' hackles rise because:
1) it seems to admit the the irrrationality of his position re Brexit
2) The hypocrisy of the phrase 'we British'. What has he, rich, cossetted toff got in common with Cleethorpes bloke?
3) He implies that if you are not willing to'muddle through' Brexit then you are a snowflake and non British. Duh
Everyone muddles through, its called adaptability.
Some are more organised than others, more concerned than others more active in the world, but trying to make this crazy wonderful flawed world we live in rational, as we 'muddle through' is what people do- 'muddling through' is not unique to Brexit, not unique to Britishness. There are 200 nations on this planet, Jacob
Its easy to insult people, especially easy targets and their is so much mudslinging around Brexit but he's a bit of a dinosaur isn't he? the Reesmoggosaurus, an endangered species that doesn't need rescuing unless ... and ..er.. what a ridiculous person

Wednesday, 16 January 2019

saying how things are

Saying how things are is not complaining.
 I cannot breathe sometimes. 
I’m all for optimism but happy clappy positivism? 
There is something very dysfunctional about pretending to smile while ignoring the rubbish around you,
Pretending everything is hunky dory,
But carrying on despite how crap it is
 but its abit desperate
when i catch awhiff of that desperation,  
I fear what's beneath

Saturday, 12 January 2019

On a National Express coach to Devon I tried darning a darn in a jumper I’d already done that had come undone. Too much vibration. I was clumsy. DON’T DARN ON BUSES!

Sunday, 6 January 2019

 Empathy- the feeling of connection that humans have, initially touch, proximity, sharing the same air, space, house and furniture, is slowly being usurped by digital channels that trick us,  mediating,apparently helping but leading to disconnection. Technology- my phone, my computer help me to survive my loneliness, but maybe by making it bearable, prolongs it so it becomes my way of being. We are great survivors, gods of making do, surviving our disconnection by imigining we are more connected. Drama!