Thursday, 7 November 2019

Better a hypocrite who admits it

7th November
Better a hypocrite that admits it than a denier who pretends that everything’s fine and attacks climate protestors for not being consistent in their reasoning - ‘celeb actors who fly into protests’, ‘ it’s alright for you, your middle class and can afford the time to protest, excuse me I’ve got to get to work’. Well the whole world is hypocritical- we have created wonderful things, we have an advanced society, yes,we’ve never had it so good, but all good things come at a cost and(blunt fact)natural resources are running out, ( blunt fact) our success is dependent on plastic and its choking us, and climate change is happening, walls don’t make any difference, ideologies, political systems whether capitalist socialist don’t make any difference.

We are all hypocrites. There are no big overnight solutions. admit it. But we can’t give into depression and doom. It’s there but we carry on, aware, step by step, loving, aware it’s probably too late but er so what. Parents are guardians of our children and have to stay cheerful fun and alive. When has humanity not been in crisis? On we go ! Embrace your inner hypocrite! It’s the only way!

Monday, 21 October 2019

Sensing the Zone of Possible Agreement. Analog vs the digital

 This is one of the ways the digital world is fucked up because things are not either zero or one black or white. Agreement  tends to happen in the analog world when there is a little bit of this a little bit of that and I see what you mean but say can you see what I mean yes okay well we both see what each other means. Compromise and sensitivity .maybe digital cannot sniff out and head towards zones of possible agreement

Wednesday, 18 September 2019

Breaking Habits

That’s  the thing about being laidback and accepting- you can just accept habitual behaviour and never grow. It becomes entirely reactive. Not that compulsive breaking of habit is the goal- it can be meaningless and neurotic, but recognising when a habitual behaviour is redundant and then adapting is a good thing

Sunday, 1 September 2019


How things morph but
 stay the same
How, when big change occurs
what survives 
 is always a surprise
 but is the essence
in a new form
new life on an old way
springs out

Wednesday, 7 August 2019


I  was so happy when work and love took me to the US. I fell in love and stayed there for some years.  Maybe it’s naive of me and being an apolitical creature, I was not really bothered. But now I am. Now it is behaving just as small minded as any other of the older western democracies that people fled from to find their dream and freedom. It’s increasingly redundant in the modern world, tightening, tightening, tightening. Paranoid, perceiving potential enemies every where, with its antiquated crazy gun laws and it’s old colonial nationalistic feel closing its borders, paranoid about foreigners all those things which America used to stand against are like cancerous growths growing on an old body, racist, bigoted, looking away from the rest of the world. The good people increasingly marginalised and dare not speak their mind so they get on with their lives and hope things are going to change, the critical people are bullied as unpatriotic. 
I hope I'm being overdramatic. Maybe this a blip until the next election when the US will balance itself. Let’s hope so. Mind you, I’m from Brexit UK, so I've got no excuse ... 
It makes me ilI to thinking about it makes me ill. I resent the distraction.  I’m just going to wear my new hat. It fits me. I I like it

Thursday, 1 August 2019

PC or pragmatic?

TooPC? or pragmatic?

Pragmatism vs principle?
There was a report of Boris in N.Ireland yesterday of  a council member who didn't recognise the Queen and who found honouring the British State offensive so they paid him to walk past the queen's portrait in the house. This was quoted by some as the height of PC stupidity. But if it resulted in easing the tensions in NI and helped save lives  and end violence then it was not ' PC gone mad' but pragmatic. If PC happens in an ivory tower its an intelllectual exercise then maybe its criticisable and in some cases extreme- but if it eases his way to work where things get dealt with then why  not?
 how close to the conflict, how close to the reality it addresses, is it?

Sunday, 21 July 2019

On the Other Hand ...

But on the other hand...
There is always another point of view
That come from my mother
It always comes from wanting to be fair, to seeing both side of the argument
but the result is inaction and self sabotage
paralysis, self hypnosis by argument

is a Self Block book
A new genre we’ve had Self Help..
Now there's Self Block
Now, how to sabotage your sincerest efforts


you cannot undo history, 
the ways  things happened then may not work now
but we are where we are because of how things were done then,

So why get annoyed by it? 
Why pretend it didn't happen?
Why waste your energy  trying to rewrite it? 

just leave behind whats no longer relevant and get on with now

Wednesday, 3 July 2019


You can
   You can
       You can
           You can

Yes but ...

No buts you can

Tuesday, 25 June 2019

Just watched a clip from Stormy Weather with Nicholas brothers dancing to Cab Calloway. ‘Unrehearsed’ some one said. I doubt it! It’s Amazing performance and dance but the danger of their jumps, their stagecraft, the ir sycnhcronicityity of the rythmic interplay with Calloway's orchestra had to be worked out other wise they would have hurt themselves and probably many of the band.. In a way to say it’s all improvised belittles their skills,choreographic nous and trust in each other I’m sure they worked quickly and uncannily empathetically but to claim it’s improvised diminishes their magic. Any way where does the band disappear to and the stage suddenly appear  halfway through the clip? That would have taken time and thought to prepare. It’s bit of a compliment if something is so well put together that it can appear improvised but inaccurate 

Tuesday, 18 June 2019

Head gardeners become grumpy

All head gardeners become grumpy misanthropic and want to fence off all their garden. Just bumped into Ian(?) the guy who was made head gardener of inner circle, Regent’s Park at the immaculate garden that is fenced off. ‘ Why is it fenced off?’ I ask,

‘I’m getting grumpy’ he said, ‘some 6 or 7 yearoldkids ran all over here at the weekend, their parents probably sat and watched and didn’t say anything. I’m being a grumpy gardener’ he said.

So long as he can see the grumpy bit, that’s not all he’ll be

Monday, 27 May 2019

Power and Attention Deficit Disorder

'Strip away the power, the admin, the minions from the one high up the hierarchy and you have an incoherent nincompoop with half finished thoughts and ADHD' said a friend

Tuesday, 30 April 2019

staying buoyant while looking at dire things

Have been swept up by ER in past week visiting Oxford Circus Marble Arch and Berkeley Square and yes yes yes! I feel horribly unlike doing anything cos it’s all so pointless if the world is just going to end anyway. After all hits of last two years, I don't want this to sap me.

When the people at the top get too depressed to carry on and get infected by lassitude and it spreads down through the system to all parts, all levels of the system. 

Oh bloody hell, just cos the worlds going to end that’s no reason to get gloomy! Being able to look the bad stuff in the face and then stay smiling , or, find good strategy is so important.

Sunday, 28 April 2019

I wandered down to the Extinction Rebellion Closing Ceremony

So I wandered down Edgware towards Marble Arch at just before 7 to catch the  Rebellion Extinction Closing Ceremony. During the last few days I have got accustomed to no traffic and quiet as I approached the arch because of the demonstrators camp but the usual smell and noise of big congestion had returned as the camp packed up and the police reopened the roads sometime today. Now was a scene of aftermath, dismantling, tidying up and dispersion. The group with white faces, dressed in bright red, lit by the setting sun, making their last appearance for now, clustered round the green tarnished horsehead sculpture posing for a large group of photographers clicking away; from shaky cellphone snaps to serious press with big cameras, some tents remained pitched on the lawn near the arch, random groups of campers packing up, tourists, a few ambling police with hi vis jackets, not a spot of litter or the usual detritus left behind by a festival crowd, all surrounded by the busy returning traffic.
I crosed the road into the park and wandered on to Speaker's Corner where there was a crowd of maybe a couple of thousand listening to speeches quietly amplified on a makeshift PA hand held aloft so the crowd could hear. The Met police in small groups mingled; they were relaxed this was not an aggressive crowd, no drunks, no mess, amongst the numerous Extinction Rebellion banners flags there was even one thanking the police : the crowd’s anger was directed elsewhere at the mess we’ve made of the world. Different people spoke, A sufi prayer and then a very passionate woman exhorted people to continue the fight then, to finish the ceremony, she led everyone in a song, and in a moving moment asked everyone to turn round and face out while continuing singing, to encourage the world to join in. Very lovely a simple action but genuinely moving. I was on the outside of the crowd an observer with my walking stick watching and when everyone turned round to face me I did not know what to do. I felt moved and a bit silly and self conscious. A woman rushed out of the crowd and hugged me. she, maybe feeling a bit silly and self conscious, melted back into the crowd, the song subsided.
Whether this is an actual tipping point in hearts and minds, time will tell, or whether we are just stuck in a london bubble, who knows, anyway there and then it felt unstoppable. It will take over from the time wasting, lies and angst around Brexit. 
Its all very idealistic yes and armchair critics can say yes but its a load of hippies causing chaos, yes but its heart is in the right place, and the evidence is very very bleak and 'I don't want bleak, I want light' I pondered as I walked home, but whatever form it takes, I am so much happier to witness this than plug into mainstream media to see Farage's ugly mug or sly conniving lying May and other so called politicians. Our Dying World is THE issue.

Tuesday, 12 February 2019

'Yeaah! know wotumean, Ginny'

'Yeaah! know wotumean, Ginny' 

Alone, I often fall down into 
nothingness. I must push my foot
stealthily lest I should fall off the edge
of the world into nothingness. 
I have to bang my head against some
hard door to call myself back to the body
(Virginia Woolf)

Friday, 8 February 2019


It seems to be accepted wisdom that having a choice is empowering- 'yes but you had a choice',
But if I knew 20 years ago that the consequences of my actions then would lead to the facts of my life now I would have lived a different life. I don’t believe that most people know the consequences of their choices. I certainly didn't.
"but you did' they said
Yes I suppose I chose not to be part of a fucked up world, although I didn't know it at the time.

Wednesday, 6 February 2019

Science catches up with what we know in our bones

I am reading ‘Lost Connections’, a book about how disconnectedness is the major cause of depression; it’s so obvious that occasionally he lapses into tautological bad writing: 
‘... if disconnection  is the main driver of depression and anxiety, we need to find ways to reconnect’
Duh! Bad hack science stuff!- 
‘So I travelled thousands of miles interviewing anyone who might understand this’.
 Sincere, yes, needs to be said, yes, but kind of obvious.

Maybe science research and writing only chooses to look at the blindingly obvious! - scientifically proving  what is intuitively second nature. If it changes the establishment mind set, then, of course, it’s a very good thing. 
Science catches up with what we know in our bones but it takes its time. 
Intuition and common sense may not be foolproof but they are quicker

Thursday, 31 January 2019

There is a political angle to somatic awareness, dealing with the effects of one’s condition  - it means being self aware and adaptable, and moving away from reliance on ‘the system’ of experts and medical establishment upon which much of the structure of medicine and social care is based. But let’s look at a simple problem-  going downstairs- I find  this hard and often nearly fall and lose balance. 
1) get handrails installed at a cost or get prescribed muscle relaxants, or insist that I get transferred to the ground floor or get a lift installed,

2)I can retrain my body to go down stairs slower, I can look at and understand the mechanics of going downstairs improve my balance, notice how much I rely on eyes or inner ear vestibular system for balance and orientation in space.

How can politicians and decision makers encourage self awareness  vs dependance without getting involved in polarised right vs left arguments?

Thursday, 24 January 2019

brexit (lower case 'b' intentional)

I have steered clear of brexit but its there, and its really really stupid and maybe people are blaming europe for their powerlessness, but I was a little massively miffed by recent comments that made me want to retch -
Re Rees Mogg trying to claim 'muddling through' as a British attribute because as he says 'we British are made of sterner stuff' hackles rise because:
1) it seems to admit the the irrrationality of his position re Brexit
2) The hypocrisy of the phrase 'we British'. What has he, rich, cossetted toff got in common with Cleethorpes bloke?
3) He implies that if you are not willing to'muddle through' Brexit then you are a snowflake and non British. Duh
Everyone muddles through, its called adaptability.
Some are more organised than others, more concerned than others more active in the world, but trying to make this crazy wonderful flawed world we live in rational, as we 'muddle through' is what people do- 'muddling through' is not unique to Brexit, not unique to Britishness. There are 200 nations on this planet, Jacob
Its easy to insult people, especially easy targets and their is so much mudslinging around Brexit but he's a bit of a dinosaur isn't he? the Reesmoggosaurus, an endangered species that doesn't need rescuing unless ... and what a ridiculous person

Wednesday, 16 January 2019

saying how things are

Saying how things are is not complaining.
 I cannot breathe sometimes. 
I’m all for optimism but happy clappy positivism? 
There is something very dysfunctional about pretending to smile while ignoring the rubbish around you,
Pretending everything is hunky dory,
But carrying on despite how crap it is
 but its abit desperate
when i catch awhiff of that desperation,  
I fear what's beneath

Saturday, 12 January 2019

On a National Express coach to Devon I tried darning a darn in a jumper I’d already done that had come undone. Too much vibration. I was clumsy. DON’T DARN ON BUSES!

Sunday, 6 January 2019

 Empathy- the feeling of connection that humans have, initially touch, proximity, sharing the same air, space, house and furniture, is slowly being usurped by digital channels that trick us,  mediating,apparently helping but leading to disconnection. Technology- my phone, my computer help me to survive my loneliness, but maybe by making it bearable, prolongs it so it becomes my way of being. We are great survivors, gods of making do, surviving our disconnection by imigining we are more connected. Drama!