Monday, 27 February 2017

yes but ...



Are you as sweet as your beautiful face?

Thursday, 16 February 2017


 There seems to be two main camps of those  who are shocked by Tru-- those willing to name and resist, and those unwilling to name and wanting to get on with their lives. I have sympathy for both sides- the name and resist side gets involved in the nitty gritty of his dysfunctional rule and gets very disturbed,  the other side will not name and refuse to  get disturbed, they probably find him disturbing anyway but want to get on with their lives  don't want Trump to disturb their ability to function. They can't do anything about it anyway. Yes, but where do you draw the line? everytime I hear anything coming out of the White House  disturbs, disorientates, and distracts. I cannot ignore it, its thousands of  miles away, but I am affected, and  I am powerless to affect it. Or am I? I will not let him disrupt me, so I stop watching the news, but if I cover my face with my hands, the fingers slip apart and bits of news get seen. Can't avoid it, it seems so crucial and he is so extreme.
(The avoidance of naming him has led to some imaginative alternatives - Tatrazine Tarzan, lalalala ... too many to choose from. I suggested that someone starts compiling a list and an American friend just said 'whats the point?' The avoidance of naming him seems to imagine or guard against some mad authoritarian future where the security services may google Trump to find anyone who resists his er rule- Paranoid or knowing?

Do Trump backing team in WH- Bannon, Miller et al know what they are doing ? They know how to appeal to their supposed heartland-' The average hard working American'- but have they any idea how they look globally? maybe they think they can tame the media in the US, but the rest of the world?. They may convince their own supporters of their version of the truth, but they cannot control the world's media. 

Meanwhile China gleefully observes the US and democracy tear itself apart. 

And here in London  the crocuses are beginning to flower. Its true. No-one is more powerful than the flowering crocus. Do not deny the truth of the crocus. Well ... I could worry about the weird stuff happening across the water, but I will focus on the crocus. The greatest crocuses. Purple! yellow! white! There have never been such great crocuses folks!

Wednesday, 15 February 2017


Yippee! I have an appointment with the specialist genetic neurologist at Queens Square, but until then I can work on my balance and co-ordination.

This morning I tried walking while juggling. I set myself the game of walking while juggling to a tree some 35 yards away. I was deeply rubbish-throwing balls all over, losing balance etc. 
But when I was expecting myself to be good I was setting myself up for disappointment, fatalism why bother and giving up, when I observed what I was doing I could continue- I was outside my safety zone- i know if I stand still i can be reasonably sure of keeping 3 ball juggling going, but if I try walking and juggling I am crap at both- my sense of balance and co-ordination are completely thrown and I am bad at both.
 So I could make up a rule that ‘it is wrong to try walking while juggling’ ... but rules (like scientific theories) only work until proved wrong. Meanwhile, by proving that rule wrong, not only am I learning to manage my condition, I am also carving a story of how I learn.  

To walk while juggling is (for me) a step outside what I  know I can do, what I feel comfortable doing and  that means loss of control.
It is a story of  me and the world around me, the ebb and flow between what I can do, what I feel safe in, what I control, and  the world around me, gravity, fate, chance whatever and how that changes and develops. 
The story is  setting myself a goal ( to go to the tree), keeping going  and observing what I do. 
The story tells of  ways to improve- doing things again and again works but only if you stay awake alert and questioning while you repeat- keeping going while keeping awake. Beware! repetition can hypnotise and send you to sleep. So yes-  REPEAT AND STAY AWAKE!

But maybe that is why people find sport so engrossing: each sport has its rules and skills, yet it is played afresh each time. It is exciting when the players are alive, playing with what they can do, showing what they can do, showing what they feel safe in, surprising  themselves  and the world around them, playing with control and lack of control, and that is the game

Saturday, 11 February 2017



I have journeyed from being a captain of a big ship on a calm sea 
to being alone in an open  rowing boat in a storm. 
 But still navigating. Its just a different boat. 
 I used to scan the distant horizon.
Now I look  for the next big wave to deal with.
 I used to just bark orders
Now I wield the oars with my  hands
This salt encrusted T shirt has taken the place of my captain's uniform

And did you let that happen? Why?
I dunno it just happened


I wake up everyday 
hoping the world will be different but it's not,
Hoping I will be different but I am not
and that's my lot
and no amount of positive chat 
is going to change that


What once was solid now is veneer
What once was obvious is no longer clear
what once was far, now feels near, 
whats gone is gone 

So, let go
let's go dear,
No fear